“The Cooties” Wrote A Song About How Fast Food Chains Are On Every Corner In The USA

Gentrification sucks, but this tune by The Cooties does not

Remember when eating fast food used to be fun?

Over the past few decades, fast food and superstores have become a fairly universal (and often nostalgic) part of people’s hometown experiences. There was probably a 24-hour franchised diner that you and your friends would hang out at on Friday nights, and there was always one or two corporate stores with huge parking lots that were used for a multitude of activities (watching the 4th of July fireworks, making out with your significant other, smoking pot, etc)

But the magic of these big-box stores and Ken-Taco-Huts faded when we started to see these same franchises in every city, every town - and in some instances - across the street from each other.

The Cooties saw the impact this fast-food boom has had on the US and made a catchy, laid-back (yet low-key political) tune about how this franchise phenomenon has impacted the average person’s entire livelihood.

Could these corporate restaurants revise their policies to be less bottom-line driven and more inclusive to the wants and needs of the communities they build in? Sure. Would doing so allow a more harmonious relationship between small and big businesses and result in more socioeconomic stability for the average US citizen? Certainly.

But until that happens... welcome to the plaza.


Every town in the USA is changing

Gas stations have TVs and Uber’s killing the taxis

Everywhere you look, an ATM

A fancy fancy coffee shop, a California Pizza Kitchen right next to a Starbucks

They’re practically connected, cuz everything’s a Plaza

Welcome to the Plaza, welcome to the Plaza.

Dairy Queen, Burger King

Used to be a daycare, and before that it was a park

The Red Bull truck just pulled up

A buff guy in a tank top, is handing out samples of Red Bull outside the vape shop

They’re practically connected, cuz everything’s a Plaza

Welcome to the plaza, welcome to the plaza

That McDonald's was a Wendy’s

And that Wendy’s was your home

That Bank of America used to be a school where I learned how to read

That Marshall’s was Guiseppe’s, and that Best Buy was Steve’s Hobby Store,

Steve’s Hobby Store but Steve don’t work there no more,

He had to sell his hobby store, Steve just turned forty-four,

Steve works at Chipotle

Which is right next to Sephora,

Which is right next to Panera,

They’re practically connected, cuz everything’s a Plaza,

Welcome to the Plaza


Shot at 64 SOUND

Directed and Edited by Lucas Bohlinger

Cam Ops: Colton Mastro, Lucas Bohlinger

Bassist: Brian Lang

Guitarist: Mason Stoops

Keys: Jonathan Lucas

Engineer: Rian Lewis

Audio Mixed and Mastered by John Spiker


The Cooties are a comedy band based out of Los Angeles. After forming in 2016, they won Best TV Pilot 2017 at L.A Indie Film Fest and they were named one of the New Faces of Comedy at the 2017 Just For Laughs festival. Since then The Cooties have performed at The Kennedy Center, on Conan, JFL42 Toronto, and more. They are releasing new music and videos throughout 2020 so subscribe, follow and email your one cool cousin.

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