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Humans Dressed As T. Rex’s Racing Is My New Favorite Sport

I’m crying. I’m crying

Originally published July 2019

Humans have evolved into incredibly unique creatures, each with our own interests and tastes, but for all our differences and opinions, there are a few facts we all know to be universally true. Fart jokes are funny, turning the radio down makes reading street signs easier, and things that go fast are cool. We love when things go fast. It doesn’t matter what it is, animals, vehicles, people — if it goes fast, we like it and we want to watch it go fast. In fact, we love watching things go fast so much, we’ve turned that basic notion into multiple sports.

RACING!

YEAH, BABY! Foot races, horse races, car races, boat races, WE GOT IT ALL! But what do we like more than simply watching things go fast competitively? Watching things go fast competitively with ridiculous additions that make going fast extremely hard to do and hilarious to watch. With that, I present to you,

DINOSAUR RACING.

No, not actual dinosaurs. Science isn’t there yet, and if it was, I’d like to think the first thing we’d do with actual dinosaurs would not be make them run a track for our own entertainment. But that’s probably exactly what would happen, because humans objectively kind of suck and we should not be trusted with dinosaurs. So this is the next best thing. You know what? No. I take that back. This isn’t the next best thing, this is the best thing. This is it. This is the pinnacle of sport. This is...

Humans sprinting while wearing inflatable T. Rex costumes.

If that sounds ridiculous, that’s because IT TOTALLY IS. AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH. As if trying to watch people sprint in giant inflatable dinosaur costumes wasn’t already funny enough, the names of some of the competitors are Dino Dasher, Ramblin’ Rex, Rex Girlfriend, Fossilizer, and my personal favorite, the winner of the whole thing,

Regular Unleaded.



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